I started this blog one week ago but it's been in development for many years. I tried keeping a journal in the past but my thoughts weren't coming out the way I wanted. So what changed...why now? I suppose it started with my desire to give back. So much has been done for me over the years, hundreds of thousands of tax dollars spent on my treatments. The time and energy of family, friends, nurses and doctors who continue to care for and support me. As much as I appreciate everything it has taken it's toll on me. What is my purpose?...to drain the system and everyone around me!? I'm still alive for a reason and I've spent countless hours thinking how I can make a difference. Slowly I realized that it wasn't going to happen overnight, it was going to happen little by little. I want to be there for people, help people...support people. Last year I promised myself I'd never say no to anything and I'd do my best to be there for my friends no matter how I felt, within reason. I was so excited this past summer that I was able to make it to the wedding of my best friend from university. Brennan lives in Texas stands 6'4, weighs 265Lbs and looks like a defensive back in the NFL -probably could have been. His heart is as big as he and when I first got sick all those years ago, he came to see me three times in a six month period. He would force food into me as I was half the size I was in college and struggling to put weight back on. One visit I gained 8 Lbs thanks to him. Anyway he met a beautiful girl, Amanda, who shares his interests and keeps him in check. I was still feeling pretty rough from the Europe trip but I sucked it up and Meg and I flew down to share the experience with them and their families. I'm very close with his family and was so happy that Meg got to meet them all. It was a beautiful wedding and we had a blast!

Last year I began working with the VGH foundation to put together a plan to raise $1 million for multiple myeloma research. They have been fantastic in helping me develop a package that discusses my family, our struggle with this disease and why we need funding if a cure is to be found. I'm very determined to reach this goal and know it's possible. I've met many patients over the years, all of which have a story. It's for them that I've set out on this mission. Anytime I feel down I think of all the faces I've seen who at any given time, are worse off than me. 

Eva Markvoort - A few weeks back I had the privilege of attending a local movie premier, a documentary titled "65 Red Roses" about a beautiful young woman who's been battling Cystic Fibrosis all her life. If you know anything about this disease you know how horrendous it is. Just a few years back she had a double lung transplant in hopes of giving her a better life. Her spirit and the way she embraces life has impacted me greatly. I can only say you need to watch this documentary and it will be airing on CBC this month. Megan went to high school with Eva and I was able to meet her that night. I wanted to say something to her but nothing came out. I know what she's feeling and maybe nothing can be said - just a hug would suffice. She is now looking to have a second transplant as her body has rejected the first. If anyone can make it through this it's Eva. I think about her often and can't thank her enough for the strength she's given me.

James Mouat Sedgwick (Jay) - It's been ten years since Jay left us, he was only 24 years young when he passed. He fought a truly courageous battle with cancer and I consider it a privilege to have been there to witness it. His strength continues to push me and no matter how bad things get, my fight pales in comparison to his. He went through more horrors in a three month period than any human should experience in a two lifetimes. His aorta blew twice - they cracked him wide open and he came back both times. He was in a coma for weeks and he came back again. The day before he passed it was his birthday 
and his family and close friends gathered in his room for
a party. For the first time in weeks maybe longer he was 

 sitting up in bed, smiling and talking with us while palming a football in one hand. We all thought he'd made it, he had survived 3 months of the most horrific shit the human body could take. It was a day that none of us will forget. The next day I went to see him, he looked tired as his mother was rubbing his feet. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him I'd be back later to watch a movie. That was the last time I saw him. A few hours later his aorta blew for a third time and after a scene I couldn't imagine...he was gone. If I accomplish anything in this life it's because he is with me, driving me to be a better person...he's inspiration!

Posted by Chad Warren at 12:58 PM

2009 has proved to be the ultimate test. I started the year completely spent with no ability to deal with anything. If it wasn't for my enormous support network; BMT nurses and doctors, my family, Megan's family, friends and especially Megan -I wouldn't have made it this far. Over the year's I've gotten to know most all of the BMT nurses and doctor's. They've been there for me time and time again. They've kept me in line, laughed with me, hugged me, picked me up and carried me at my weakest moments...not sure I could ever thank them all properly but I try.

Meg's parents have played a crucial roll over the past year also. They've already been through enough before I came into the picture. I carry so much guilt that I've brought their daughter into this mess but they continue to accept me and treat me like their own. I really enjoy spending time with them. Meg's mom Brenda always makes fantastic dinners then sends us home with a bag full of groceries...she's the sweetest. Her dad Tony has become a good friend and confidant to me and always has a positive take on the day. Her younger brother Bryn reminds me of myself at the same age and makes me laugh whenever I see him. He's always up to something and I find myself living through him. He had some serious health issues not so long ago and has made a tremendous comeback. He's become a fantastic skier and is living the 22 year old dream...what a guy.

Through out the winter and spring I worked hard on rehabbing my body by using strength bands, yoga and lots of walking. Megan or my dad would take me walking whenever I asked and by May I was pumping it up some good size hills. My goal was to be able to make it to Europe for Megan's cousin's wedding in early June. I was really feeling the pressure as I knew it was a critical point in our relationship. If I didn't make that trip Megan would have been devastated and rightly so. I managed to keep it together and got the OK from the doc's. We had the most amazing trip- London, Paris and Amsterdam in 10 days as that's all the time they could safely give me. I started to fade in the last two days of the trip and rested in the hotel 
but it gave Meg some time to shop in Paris so it all worked out. I got home and became ill spending the next few 

weeks on the couch-it was worth it. The rest of the summer was great-enjoyed plenty of sunshine, several trips to the Okanagan and lots of time with friends. Come September I could feel something change and soon my doctor gave me the news that I had relapsed. I can't say I'm not devastated at least I was. They started me on a drug that I tried before but only for a short time. It was just a trial drug then but I was quickly taken off due to low blood counts. It has since become a successful treatment for many myeloma patients including my mother but last week I had to stop because of swine flu complications. So here I sit in the BMT ward, in isolation..still got the swine, waiting for the next plan of action to take care of this relentless myeloma. I'm feeling strong and ready for whatever they throw at me...I'm waiting!

Posted by Chad Warren at 10:11 PM

I must admit I'm eager to get through this particular blog and on to some other things. It was a dreadful time in my life from which I'm still currently recovering. I said to Megan a few weeks back that I really hadn't recovered from the first transplant. Anytime I'd start to recover I'd get hit again and that's just the way it's gone. The events leading up to my second transplant and all that followed took every last ounce of physical, mental, and emotional energy I had in me. For the first time in nine years I was broken. 

For years I'd managed to putt along...knowing I was getting worse but never really too worried...living in the moment. In the summer of 2008 desperation had entered my life. I'd reached the point that had always haunted the back of my mind...I was running out of options. I'd had every myeloma treatment available to me and now the well was running dry. There had been discussion among the BMT doctors that maybe another transplant would be the best option. From what I understand the team was split- some agreed and some thought it to be too risky. My doc sent me to the Mayo clinic in Rochester, MN for a second opinion. The lady I saw was one of the leading myeloma specialists in the world and was so cool to me. After an hour long consultation she agreed my best chance for a better life would be the transplant. This was a tough decision for my doc because of my poor condition. It was either going to kill me fast or give me hope. The next step was finding my original donor to see if he was available to donate again. They located him and he agreed...the ball was rolling or should i say the dice. Some people never find a donor and I'm lucky enough to get one who's willing to do it twice...I have no words! I continued my last few cycles of another myeloma drug until a few months before the transplant. The date was set for Dec 18, 2008. I left my job in October as I was becoming too unwell and needed to focus on the task at hand.

I entered the hospital Dec 8th for the usual preparations-line insertion, chemo..bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla BORING! The transplant itself was as anticlimactic as the first and only took about a half hour for the marrow to drip in. I felt so relieved and was full of emotion and anxiety which soon came pouring out on Meg's shoulder. A few minutes later I began shaking uncontrollably and no matter what they gave me it wouldn't stop. Eventually things calmed down but over the next few days I began retaining fluid gaining 20 lbs in a week. I was extemely uncomfortable with shooting pains in my sides and back. They pumped me so full of morphine I don't remember much anymore. To this day they don't know if I'd had a heart attack, was passing kidney stones or what the hell was going on. On Christmas day my body had enough and I was no longer breathing well. I was taken to intensive care and put on an apparatus that would help me breathe while keeping fluid away from my heart and lungs. It was there they inserted a catheter wrong and I'd be peeing blood and blood clots for the next 6 months. Those first two weeks every time I went pee it was like razor blades were digging down deep in my bladder. I could go on and on about all the shit that went down but it does me no good to speak of it anymore plus and I just don't want to remember. It was touch and go-the ICU doc talked to us about putting me on life support with a stiff reminder that I might never come off it....are you fucking kidding me...hey doc there's a chance I might kick you in the balls so hard you might never get up! Another ICU doc, Meg's dream lover -Dr. Mcgoobygoob a good looking fella and nice as hell- was really positive about getting me through it and from that day forward things improved. I spent 10 days in ICU, another week in cardiac care followed by a couple more days back up on the BMT ward. By no means was it smooth sailing and I was a train wreck but after 6 weeks I stumbled my way out to the fresh air and Megan waiting by the curb..........whewwww!

Posted by Chad Warren at 7:24 PM