Taking a break from the hospital room last night I had coffee with my dear friend Christy. I was telling her about the good, the bad, the ugly of Chad and I's situation. Although I was talking lots I was also having a hard time figuring out how to properly describe how this situation and relationship feels.
Then she said it. Once sentence and it was as though she had taken all the messy medley of my thoughts and put it into one sentence."Its as though you are in a threesome - a polygamist threesome".Exactly. Chad and I have three people in our relationship. Chad. Me. and Myeloma.
I love 'whoever' he comes with. I came into this relationship almost 5 years ago knowing very well there was another component to it. Chad had already had a pre-existing lifetime partnership with Myeloma. I am ok with that. I know what I signed up for.
As our years together went on and his health improved, I became number one in the relationship. Once in awhile, Myeloma would come back and I'd have to share him with 'her' again.
Sometimes 'she' would take priority and I'd be left there waiting for him to come back. Since his transplant and recovery - I have been the favourite. We had a brilliant summer together and a totally exclusive relationship. I was sooo happy.
Then September came around and 'she' came back. The threesome was on. We embraced it for a few months, him, her, me...trying to find a balance...but Im afraid in the last week, 'she' is full priority and I am left waiting.
'She' is far more powerful than I and I understand why he makes 'her' such a priority. He has to. I would have it no other way. That doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. It hurts knowing that he doesnt have energy to spend with me because he is so busy working on the relationship with 'her'.
Yesterday was the first day (in what has felt like months - but really only a week) that Chad and I spent the day together, and Myeloma took the back seat.
We laughed. He rubbed my back when I sat next to him. He held my hand. We kissed again. I left the hospital feeling so happy. - And even though I know when I left he spent the night alone with 'her' again, I know he loves me. I know that 'she' will leave again and we'll be together soon.
Posted by Chad Warren at 10:50 PM
Then she said it. Once sentence and it was as though she had taken all the messy medley of my thoughts and put it into one sentence."Its as though you are in a threesome - a polygamist threesome".Exactly. Chad and I have three people in our relationship. Chad. Me. and Myeloma.
I love 'whoever' he comes with. I came into this relationship almost 5 years ago knowing very well there was another component to it. Chad had already had a pre-existing lifetime partnership with Myeloma. I am ok with that. I know what I signed up for.
As our years together went on and his health improved, I became number one in the relationship. Once in awhile, Myeloma would come back and I'd have to share him with 'her' again.
Sometimes 'she' would take priority and I'd be left there waiting for him to come back. Since his transplant and recovery - I have been the favourite. We had a brilliant summer together and a totally exclusive relationship. I was sooo happy.
Then September came around and 'she' came back. The threesome was on. We embraced it for a few months, him, her, me...trying to find a balance...but Im afraid in the last week, 'she' is full priority and I am left waiting.
'She' is far more powerful than I and I understand why he makes 'her' such a priority. He has to. I would have it no other way. That doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. It hurts knowing that he doesnt have energy to spend with me because he is so busy working on the relationship with 'her'.
Yesterday was the first day (in what has felt like months - but really only a week) that Chad and I spent the day together, and Myeloma took the back seat.
We laughed. He rubbed my back when I sat next to him. He held my hand. We kissed again. I left the hospital feeling so happy. - And even though I know when I left he spent the night alone with 'her' again, I know he loves me. I know that 'she' will leave again and we'll be together soon.
Posted by Chad Warren at 10:50 PM
1 COMMENT:
AnonymousNovember 14, 2009 at 6:18 AM
This is the meaning of SOUL mate. You love him despite the tragedy and the shift in position. You love who he is and where you are despite the frustration, sadness, heartache. LOVE each other with all that you can give because in the end that is all that any of us can take with us. HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!! you are both amazingly beautiful!
Love, Megan
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