| It was a very strange time while I waited for a donor. For some reason, I was never worried that a donor may never be found. I knew I had at least three months of taking each day and living them to their fullest. I developed an enormous appetite from the steroids and I looked forward to every meal. I also began playing golf almost daily. I would drive my girlfriend to work every morning at 7am and that’s when my day began. I would clean the house then find someone to go to brunch with. Then I would either golf or go on long motorcycle rides. I continued working out, using much lighter weights and going at a pace that I felt my body could handle. |
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| Fitness and sports have always been a large part of my life and I wanted to go in to the transplant as fit as possible without overdoing it. I would do a circuit of weights and 15 to 20 minutes on the stair master at least 3 or 4 times a week. It made me feel normal to keep that part of my life going. Since I was no longer working I had nothing but time to think and prepare. My girlfriend and I became closer than ever. Any girl who could put up with me, especially during that time, had to be a very special and patient person.
The steroids gave me incredible mood swings and I gave Katharine a hard time. She never held it against me, she just kept loving me. I found that I had a hard time winding down at night so I began using marijuana nightly and I would recommend it to anyone. I may have taken it to the extreme over those few months, but there were lots of laughs and it mellowed me out. It was a big help at that time and a large part in keeping my mind from what I call the dark shadows. | This was a feeling I had the moment I was diagnosed and anytime my mind would start taking me through hell. I didn’t want to die and it was a strong possibility. After some time passed I began to accept the fact that death can happen at any time to anyone. I may be starting down the barrel of the gun, but it hasn’t gone off. Those dark shadows will always come and go but I learned to deal with them better. What scared me more than death was the thought of not growing old with Katharine. It hurts so intensely I can’t bear to write about it. It is my mission for that not to happen. Once you can accept the consequences it is time to be a survivor and I am, and always will be, a survivor. Katharine and I had an amazing couple of months before my hospitalization. We were on our five day vacation in Penticton and the weather was gorgeous. I wasn’t supposed to be in the sun because of some antibiotic I was on. I didn’t obey and we were at the lake everyday. I checked my messages one afternoon at the beach and my doctor was on my voice mail. They had found a match and I was to enter the hospital August 8 to begin my three days of chemo and three days of total body radiation. My transplant was to be on the night of August 15. |
