| It has been nearly 4 1/2 months since my bone marrow transplant. I’ve been given many books to read and journals to write in, but chose today to start my journal. I guess I wasn’t ready to deal with all that has gone on, even though that is all that I have been doing. Now I suppose I’m well enough to express my thoughts and feelings on paper. So much has happened, it's hard to know where to start, but I'm just going to let it flow. |
|
I lost a good friend to testicular cancer almost 2 1/2 years ago. I often reflect back to that summer he passed on. It was the first time in years that I cried uncontrollably and in front of others. My parents walked in the door a few minutes after I had received the call from Jay’s sister Kristen that he had died an hour earlier. I had just finished nearly puking on my bedroom floor from the shock of the news. Now I was crying in my mother’s arms with my Dad standing next to us.
| I had just been to see Jay several hours earlier and he was very tired. It was his 24th birthday the day before and he looked the best he had looked in months. He was sitting up in bed grinning ear to ear, holding up a pink piece of paper. It was ownership papers to his Dad’s Eagle Talon sports car, which he loved. Now it was his and the excitement was coming out his eyes. The boys and I had picked him up a pretty nice home stereo unit which I believe brought a tear or two to his eyes. It was one amazing day and everyone was there, from his sisters, to friends, parents, and aunts and uncles. I left that day firmly believing he was going to make it. He had already survived multiple operations which he wasn’t expected to have survived. I remember one day in July his mother had called us in before a major operation. Each of us (The Boys), went to his bedside |  |
one at a time so he could say his goodbyes. I don’t know what he said to everyone but he said thank you for being a good friend, but I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing I didn’t know what to say when all I wanted to do was hug him and cry.
The next day he wasn’t the same but I gave him a kiss on the cheek and said I would be back the next day to watch a movie with him. I never saw him again. I just wanted him to know how much I truly cared about him and that is all anyone wants or could ask for.
We had a celebration of his life the following week at Hollyburn Country Club. The turn out for that was brilliant and really showed the kind of person he was. By no means did it bring closure to it all. There never will be closure to his death. I just hope I can keep the positives of his life in my memory without thinking of what a truly horrible tragedy it is that he is dead.
My life was becoming increasingly more complicated by every day that passed. I had graduated from University and was looking to start my life. I jumped around from job to job, all of which were terrible, but I did learn something from each of them. I learned what jobs were not for me. I was back coaching tennis, which I enjoyed and it pays well, and I was working under a good fella at a respectable club right near my apartment. It was the best situation I had been in since I graduated.
The next day he wasn’t the same but I gave him a kiss on the cheek and said I would be back the next day to watch a movie with him. I never saw him again. I just wanted him to know how much I truly cared about him and that is all anyone wants or could ask for.
We had a celebration of his life the following week at Hollyburn Country Club. The turn out for that was brilliant and really showed the kind of person he was. By no means did it bring closure to it all. There never will be closure to his death. I just hope I can keep the positives of his life in my memory without thinking of what a truly horrible tragedy it is that he is dead.
My life was becoming increasingly more complicated by every day that passed. I had graduated from University and was looking to start my life. I jumped around from job to job, all of which were terrible, but I did learn something from each of them. I learned what jobs were not for me. I was back coaching tennis, which I enjoyed and it pays well, and I was working under a good fella at a respectable club right near my apartment. It was the best situation I had been in since I graduated.
| My personal life was improving greatly also. I had been dating a lovely young lady named Katharine and we were moving in together. Katharine is also the youngest sister of my buddy, Jay. We were getting along quite well at that time and things were moving along. My health had been questionable over the last year or so. I’ve had a few memorable sicknesses that were more intense than ever. I had lived my life free of any illness beyond the common cold, which I may have contracted once a year for a couple of days. |  |
One day a flu knocked me out bad enough that I went to a local clinic for a check up. I was told I had pneumonia and that they were going to run some other tests through my family doctor. You never know when to stop - I had to drag myself off the (tennis) court in the middle of a lesson to take myself to the doctor that day. Who knew that was going to be the start of the rest of my life of tests and Drs appointments?
I had to drag myself off the (tennis) court in the middle of a lesson to take myself to the doctor that day. Who knew that was going to be the start of the rest of my life of tests and Drs appointments?
At first they found I had an enlarged heart with an irregular heart beat. It wasn’t until one night about 10:30pm that I received a call from my doctor saying that I had to see a specialist the next morning. I was scared and there was talk that I might have leukemia, so for a week it was a possibility. I had a bone marrow biopsy that week and was scheduled to meet with the specialist to discuss the results. I worked that morning of May 17, 2001 and I was meeting my mother for the appointment at noon. I was so nervous that it was at worst going to be leukemia or hopefully just a lesser, very curable blood disease.
Dr. Boldt invited me in. The office was empty, there were no other patients there and the receptionist had gone to lunch. I went in alone and I can’t say that I remember anything she said. She went over my results and then bang out came that feared word, “cancer”. Instantly I called my mother in to hear what Dr. Boldt was saying while I broke down in the hall. All I remember my Mom asking the Dr. was, “Is it terminal?”
I was diagnosed on May 17, 2001 with a cancer of the bone marrow called multiple myeloma. It is extremely rare in people under 30. In fact, there are almost no statistics on people with this cancer. My mother practically fainted and had to lie down in Dr. Boldt’s office. I think my mind was blown that moment I heard the word cancer. My only thoughts quickly turned to the most important thing in my life, Katharine. How am I supposed to tell the most important person in my life who a year and a half earlier lost her brother to cancer, that I have cancer?
I picked her up from work and just held her and cried as I told her. She has been by my side through the whole thing. People told me that cancer can tear relationships apart because of the stress it puts on the partner. Not us, sure we have had our ups and downs but we never go to bed angry. We are truly in love and despite the luck we have had over the past few years, we are happy just living each day together.
Dr. Boldt invited me in. The office was empty, there were no other patients there and the receptionist had gone to lunch. I went in alone and I can’t say that I remember anything she said. She went over my results and then bang out came that feared word, “cancer”. Instantly I called my mother in to hear what Dr. Boldt was saying while I broke down in the hall. All I remember my Mom asking the Dr. was, “Is it terminal?”
I was diagnosed on May 17, 2001 with a cancer of the bone marrow called multiple myeloma. It is extremely rare in people under 30. In fact, there are almost no statistics on people with this cancer. My mother practically fainted and had to lie down in Dr. Boldt’s office. I think my mind was blown that moment I heard the word cancer. My only thoughts quickly turned to the most important thing in my life, Katharine. How am I supposed to tell the most important person in my life who a year and a half earlier lost her brother to cancer, that I have cancer?
I picked her up from work and just held her and cried as I told her. She has been by my side through the whole thing. People told me that cancer can tear relationships apart because of the stress it puts on the partner. Not us, sure we have had our ups and downs but we never go to bed angry. We are truly in love and despite the luck we have had over the past few years, we are happy just living each day together.
My life changed forever on May 17 and those next few months were for me to enjoy before I had to begin the fight for my life.
I stopped working the day I was diagnosed and began treatment the next day. I was immediately put on high dose steroids and bone strengthener IV once a month. I was transferred to a Bone Marrow Transplant team and doctors who had experience with this cancer. Since I was so young and I have such an aggressive cancer, the best thing they could do was be aggressive with the treatment.
The search was on for a match to my bone marrow. My sister was tested but she was not a match which meant they had to find a un-related donor. The survival rate is lowered but I was a good candidate because I was young and fit. They told me it was my best chance to extend my life beyond a few years. My transplant was to hopefully happen in August if they find a donor. That left me almost three months to enjoy every minute of every day.
My life changed forever on May 17 and those next few months were for me to enjoy before I had to begin the fight for my life.
The search was on for a match to my bone marrow. My sister was tested but she was not a match which meant they had to find a un-related donor. The survival rate is lowered but I was a good candidate because I was young and fit. They told me it was my best chance to extend my life beyond a few years. My transplant was to hopefully happen in August if they find a donor. That left me almost three months to enjoy every minute of every day.
My life changed forever on May 17 and those next few months were for me to enjoy before I had to begin the fight for my life.
